I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I am full of burrito and curiosity
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
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