I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
