You really coming over, don't trick.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
