No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
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