this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
