Only a mothe r could love this liver
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
i think my cat just said my name.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
