So drunk, too bad you don't want this
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
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