I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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