sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
