your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
home. puking in laundry basket.
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i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
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I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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