how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Randomize
