my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
