just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Randomize
