You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Dear god my vagina.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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