He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
