the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
