I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
