i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
