i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
