come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
