I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
