Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
