Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
