his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
