can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Randomize
