you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Randomize
