ya dads aren't the best wingmen
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
