I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
