were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
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