I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Randomize
