why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize
