Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
