Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
