I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
