im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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