so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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