I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
