we have pet lesbian snakes
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
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