the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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