Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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