Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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