You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I'm lost and stupid without you.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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