someone get that fucking seahorse.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
