tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
