Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
