you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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