You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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