Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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