We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Randomize
