I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize
