he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
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