I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
This is my gift to your gina
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
