ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
