we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Vodka?
Forever.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
