sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize