I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
