I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
