I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
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