this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
