You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
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It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
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