Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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