I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
