Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Randomize
