I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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