We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
