Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
