I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
