remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
There r osticjed everywhere
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
