i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Randomize
