i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
