Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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