Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize
