$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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