I like my sex mixed with concussions.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
