apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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