dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
There's always time for handjobs
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
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