i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
