apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
you traded sex for a burrito?
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
